Tales of Green Machine



Now the more observant chaps among you may have already noticed the term Green Machine slipping into some of my previous diatribes and I’m pretty sure that those of you with the keener eye will have probably picked out a certain motor with numbers on the side trying to subtly edge its way into my blogs. The thing is, despite all my strenuous attempts at resistance – for some years I’ve been having a relationship with a small, but very attractive, Teutonic beauty and yes I freely admit – it is a BMW Z3

To be truthful, that retro style had first drawn me to her back in the mid 90s when as a young starlet, the little Munich Maiden (well, South Carolina Belle actually) made a short non speaking appearance in Golden Eye. Now, Mr Bond James Bond’s Z3 was perfect for her role at the time, young, slim and sexy with a taught toned body and at 1.9 Ltrs she was fine for a callow youth like Piers……. but for chaps like us, chaps who know what we want and more importantly how to get it, something bigger with a bit more up front and slightly wider at the rear was what was needed.

The thing is, young Bond’s puny motor was still a way off acquiring those, oh so attractive, curves that only the older ladies possess, so from the outset my eyes were set firm on the next, wide arched 2.8 model. The truth is, with her sexy ass attitude and a snarling straight 6, the altogether bigger bummed car was always going to be the only one for me.

Perversely though, despite all this latent desire, it wasn’t until 2009 that I actually decided to invest in one but I’m happy to report that 7 years later my passion remains undiminished. Now we all know no one is ever perfect and I suppose any of us can be difficult at times and yes, even I have my moments. However, Z3 or Green Machine as she is now called can also be bit difficult herself – I say difficult but that’s probably a little unfair, as in terms of looks and go, she has it all and whilst her older sister, Z3m is the genuine road rocket, Green Machine is no slouch and she’ll leave most other road users for dead………….dead that is in a straight line, cos come the bendy bits or dealing with the odd bump in the road and she can be a real  B..ch.

Tramlining is, I think, the technical term and Z3s are notorious. Come off the juice at any real speed and I do mean real speed and the steering can turn to blancmange. Do this on bit of worn tarmacadam and the effect can be heart stoppingly terrifying – the car just goes where it wants. Now that sound nasty, I hear you saying and nasty it is so whilst for 6 years I lived with her little foibles I’d known all along that at some time improvements would have to be made.  Fortunately making her better, or anyway making her less bad is a relatively simple exercise……………..

But that, I think is for the next instalment from – Tales of Green Machine


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